How Do You Know?

(this is an email I got a few months ago.. itz hella funny.. an some of da thingz I didn't agree wit.. but it makez ya think bout stuff *cough*)


My question is:
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU FOUND THE RIGHT MATE, THAT GOD HAS CHOSEN FOR YOU?

The question is a valid one and many of us have asked the same thing. Some of us who didn't ask the question have suffered tremendously because we did not know how to choose a mate.

I want to begin answering the question by saying this-God does not "choose" a mate for you. This is a misconception that many of us have as believers.

Creflo Dollar did a wonderful teaching on this and basically what Pastor Dollar said is that God makes "presentations." It's up to you to choose.

The Lord doesn't make choices like that for us. He doesn't even make the choice for us to be saved. We have to "choose ye this day whom we will serve." If God doesn't force salvation on us, He certainly will not force a mate on us. So, I'm so sorry to tell you. You can't put it on God.

The choice is yours.

That being said, God will certainly not have us ignorant. While He does not choose our mates, He "presents" potential mates who, based on his infinite knowledge, He feels will meet our needs. My, my, my. If I'd only listened to the leading of the Holy Ghost and not my flesh. But that's another story... Moving right along.

I also want to add that it is just as important to be the right person as it is to choose the right person. If you are not all you need to be, even if God were to send the right man/woman, you would not be in a position to receive him/her. You won't know how to treat him, talk to him, love him, comfort him, support him, nurture him etc.

Anyway, Ladies, I'm going to help the brothers out a little bit. We say we want a good man, with a good job, handsome, built. Don't get mad with me now, but are you where you need to be? Are you a good woman with a good job? Do you make yourself attractive and do you keep yourself in shape? Or are you living beneath your privilege, a spoiled, big mouth, loud, unruly woman that never combs your hair, your fingernails are dirty and you got runs in your stockings and scuff marks on your shoes?

Lawd, ya'll ain't gon' like me today. That's alright. You just need to be honest with yourself. You want a man that looks like Denzel, shaped like Wesley Snipes, and paid like Deion Sanders but you don't keep yourself up, shaped like Miss Piggy, and your credit is so bad you can't buy a tube of toothpaste on credit. Did I say something about credit?

(Lawd, let me leave that credit thang alone!) :-)

But seriously, you've got to bring something to the table too. What do you have to offer this wonderful brother that you're believing God for?

One has to be honest with one's self. Now, after you have examined yourself, ask yourself some basic questions about the man you're considering:

1. Is He Saved?

That's the first question you need to ask. If not, he's not the one and if you think he's the one, he's not the one right now. You need to wait. The Bible clearly states that we are to be submitted to our husbands. It is difficult to submit to a man who is not submitted to God. He is not equipped to lead you. I don't care how much money he makes, what kind of house he lives in, what kind of car he drives, or what's in his bank account. If he does not know Jesus, he is not the one.

2. Do You Have the Same Beliefs?

If you believe in speaking in tongues, does he believe in it too? If you are a woman minister, does he believe in women preachers? (This was a big problem in my house). What was his religious/spiritual up bringing.

Does he greet people by saying "Praise the Lord" or does he greet people by saying "As salaam alaikum."

3. Do You Have the Same Interests?

I happen to be a woman who loves to read, sing, write, soap operas, talk shows etc. But, I will beat any man to the tv for a good football game especially when Florida State is playing, boxing match, and basketball game (playoff time only). Most men can appreciate that! What things do you have in common?

4. Is He Interested in You?

Do you have to call him all the time? Go see him all the time? Initiate all communication? If so, the brotha don't want you. I just have to make it plain. If you have to do all the calling, all the writing, and take all the initiative, just face facts and move on. Don't run behind him, don't chase him, because even if he is a little bit interested, that will turn him off. A man knows how to pursue what he wants. If he wants you, he knows where you are. I don't have to run behind anybody. I have too much to offer a man. If he can't see that then somebody else can reap the benefits of my love. Let the church say AMEN!

5. Can He Support You?

"Can he pay your bills...can he pay your telephone bill...can he pay your automobile...." or is he a "Triflin' good for nothin' type of brotha..."

ROFL!!! For you real saved people who don't watch BET, that's a secular song that's out right now. It sounds like the women are gold diggers and maybe that was their intention, but we're talking about what the Bible says.

According to the Word, the man is supposed to be the head-IN EVERYTHING! Some men want to be the head until it's time to pay bills. When it's time to pay bills then we all equal.

We all one in the Spirit. LOL Child please. Ask the man if he can and is willing to support you if necessary. He might get mad, and if he does, "he ain't the one."

One thing I can say for my ex, he was a provider. Right up until we filed for divorce I was not working and the bills were payed and we ate every day.

If a man is not willing to provide for you, he doesn't think very much of you.

Leave him alone. That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't work, but if you work, it should be because of your choice, not of necessity. I'm in the book, ya'll. Don't get mad with me.

Then ask yourself some basic questions.

-- Does he bathe?
-- What color are his teeth?
-- Does he wear the same shirt everyday?
-- Is this a man you want to see naked for the rest of your life?
-- Does his breath stink?
-- Are his fingernails dirty?
-- Are you physically attracted to him?
-- Does he have other children?
-- If so, are you ready to be a mother to children you didn't give birth to?
-- Is he your spiritual equal or greater?

Ask yourself these and other questions and be honest. Listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and line the man up with the Word of God. Does he fit the bill? Will he love you as Christ loves the church? Will he be your provider, protector, comforter, nurturer, and a godly head? If you feel good about the answers to your questions, then pray about it and trust God.

Chances are, you've got the right one! If not, keep waiting. It's better to be single for a little while longer than marry the wrong man and head to divorce court. Trust me. I hope I've helped you, Sis. And I hope I've helped all of you too. 'Til next time, may the Lord God bless you real good!